The Chilean Exchange Student

 Minnehaha Academy 2005.  I began my senior year of Highschool.  We had lots of new students at my school.  One of them was an exchange student from Santiago, Chile.  He was the coolest and funniest guy.  His english was actually pretty good, but he wasn't totally aware of how to properly use any "slang" words or fun phrases.  Like, "Bees knees" and "don't be square."  Which at the time, were super outdated but we did enjoy springing them on him so he would be very, very confused.  He probably learned a lot of other not so useful words but we aren't going to talk about those ones right now. 

When I told him I was adopted from the same town that he was from, he got so excited!  He proceeded to show me pictures and tell me all about all the fun things he did there.  I always thought it was interesting that we had the same skin tone.  The neighbor boy I grew up next to was also adopted from Chile but his skin tone was much darker.  I always wondered why the heck we were so different.  Oliver was my "brother" from Chile my whole life though.  I nicknamed him the Chile bean and I was the Chilipepper. So seeing the exhange student with the same skin tone as me made me feel included.  (Growing up lots of kids didn't believe that I was from South America if I stood next to Oliver.  They always assumed "spanish" people were all dark skinned.) 

This reminds me of a few funny stories where I was stereotyped as something other than who I was.  I remember in College, a coworker once thought I was chinese.  huh?  OR my absolute favorite, I lived in Augusta, GA for a small amount of time in my twenties and my coworkers there asked where I was from and I said MINNESOTA!  They shared looks between themselves and then in a southern accent said, "I don't believe you, you don't have blonde hair or have blue eyes!"  (((This was said by my Assistant manager who was a Jehovah's Witness and a POC))  Yes, I did need to share that information.  That's what makes it so funny.  Don't worry, I had great respect with all my coworkers, still do!  Hi momma EVA!

Pablo, the exchange student was the one who actually made me really want to dig deeper into finding my birth family.  He made life sound so exciting and I just wanted to let my birth family know that all was well.  It wasn't long after that, that I went into my room where my Adopted mom put my baby stuff and I found the album she had put together.  There it was. My birth moms name.  Guillermina.  A long with all the other names that spanish people have.  The name, made her real.  Obviously, she is, but knowing the name made me want to google her on the internet and see if I could find her.  I think at the time Facebook had just been released.  AND facebook was only for college students! So I waited until I graduated highschool to create a profile.  

At that time, my adopted parents were going to gift me a trip to Chile to see where I was from.  But the idea scared me.  I wasn't ready.  I ended up choosing Spain and England instead to study for college.  My passport had stamps for lots of places but not Chile.

Fast forward to 2023.  My passport was lost and definitely expired.  I had already been married once and changed my name.  Our honeymoon at that time was to Hawaii so a passport wasn't needed.  Then divorced and changed my name again.  June 10th, 2023 I finally marry the Man of my dreams.  The real one. The real soulmate.  I go to change my name again.... and.... I am being told I'm not a citizen.

Excuse me?  Not an American Citizen?  I've owned a house, owned a car, been married and divorced.  Even changed my name twice.  Ive had 2 passport cards.  How am I NOT a citizen.  After 4 trips to the Social Security office, I decided it was finally time to find my birth mom. 

On September 26th, 2023 I had a phone call with Connecting Roots.  I provided them with the information that I had from my legal adoption.  She was able to confirm, I was still a confirmed citizen in Chile and I had never left the country.  This was obiously not true.  Thus began my case to one, find my birth mom and two, to figure out how the US failed to acknowledge my legal adoption in the US and have me as a citizen. 

Apparently, this is a common thing for children adopted from ouside of the US.  So all y'all adoptees... check your citizenship. Highlight and copy the below link to get to the article about adoptees and their citizenships.

https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/investigations/2020/12/16/international-adoption-does-not-guarantee-adoptees-us-citizenship/6310358002/

...... 

Friday, September 29th, 2023 shortly after 7pm.  I received news about my case.  THEY FOUND MY BIRTH MOM.  GUILLERMINA EXISTS!  She is alive and well.  She was indeed forced into giving me up.  For money.  I grieve for her pain.  35 years later... She finally heard the words that her baby daughter was looking for her. I was able to give her a great gift. The gift of forgiveness and understanding.  A talent not many have but I was taught by my adopted parents Ron and Joyce.

On top of that, I have 4 siblings.  Two sisters and two brothers.  I am the second oldest. It has been 2 and a half weeks since I received those amazing words.  We are now waiting for the DNA tests to confirm that the Guillermina they found, is indeed my birth mom.  The pictures they gave me were proof enough for me, so the DNA test results will just be icing on the cake.  When it is confirmed, I'll finally get to have a video chat with my birth mom.  

Is there a chance it isn't my birth mom? yes.  Babies could have been switched at birth.  

The next 3 weeks... are gonna be awful.  

Guillermina, I can't wait to talk to you soon.  

Yours Truly,

Ana-Maria (Rocio Carolina) 

The "W"s

One of the first things I really want to discuss with everyone in this entry, are all the "W"s of my search.  Why would you want to find your mom now, after all these years?  Why didn't you do this before?  What do you think your adopted family will think?  Won't they feel like they are being replaced?  Who do you think you are just going and looking for your mom when you have a perfectly good mother here?  What the heck are you thinking???? What if all they want is your money?  WHAT IF YOUR BIRTH MOM DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT YOU?!?!?

First off, that is a whole heck of a lot of negative questions. 

and YES.... I was asked those questions.

Isn't it funny how our brains are wired to think negatively??  Honestly, I feel like each one of us really needs to look deep inside ourselves and ask "why am I not excited or happy for her?"  or "Why can't I just enjoy the process with her?"  or my favorite "Why am I so negative?"

Honestly, I've been there. I've had that negative thought process before.  My goodness.  I used to fill up with jealousy when I saw other happy children with their birth moms.  I used to cry myself to sleep with thoughts of other siblings being so close to each other.  Jeepers.  Life really does suck when you don't know how to manage your inner demons.

If I remember correctly, Adventures in Odyssey does an episode on this topic.  Its a very good episode.  "Episode #169 : Hold up!!"  (https://app.adventuresinodyssey.com/episodes)  It explains the pros and cons of positive thinking and trust.  This episode has always stuck with me and actually helped shape my thought process even now.  Again.... proof that kids will carry what they hear with them their whole life.  So what are you saying around them??  

Lets get down to the nitty gritty..... Why.

I have always wanted to know why she let me go.  I've replaid this conversation in my head several times.  I used to get mad and want to yell angrily at her.  But over the years, I finally figured out exactly what I'm gonna say.  Guess what, it's not negative. HA! I WIN!

I want to tell her how much my adopted parents love me.  How they protected me and kept me safe. How they taught me to love everyone and accept them for who they are and not for what they look like.  They taught me to be patient and kind.  Oh and most importantly.... I can see because they got me glasses and my teeth aren't entirely crooked because they got my braces and I'm not DEAF, because they paid for my ear surgeries.  They have cared for me as if I was their own flesh and blood.  Because of this, I always see the good in others and try to be genuinely happy all the time.  Laughing is my favorite.  They were there for me when I cried at home when I overheard my friends calling me "strange" and "wierd."  They listened when I cried when I saw all the other kids wear name brand clothes but they got me hand me downs because it saved money.  They embraced me with love when I was hurt from my first marriage to an abuser and rejoiced when I recently married the man of my dreams on June 10th.  They taught me how to stand up for what I believe in even if others don't agree and how to be friends properly with someone whose beliefs are completely opposite of my own.  The only thing they didn't successfully instill inside my brain is my ability to clean.... and manage money.  WHOOPS.   Apparently, thats a common thing in people with ADHD.... but I digress.

The point is.  My papasito and my mom (adopted parents) are my parents. They raised me and they will NEVER be replaced.  

Now to the topic of my adopted siblings.  They are pretty cool.  I have 4 adopted siblings.  3 brothers and 1 sister.  We are spread apart in our ages over many years. Some of their birthdays are coming up so here are their ages as I remember right now.  Forgive me siblings if I'm off.  Brother 59, Brother 57, Sister 55, Brother 39 and me 35. I love each one of them.  They have all been good role models for me in various parts of my life.  My greatest compliment actually came from my oldest brother.  He told my husband that we are "very mature within our relationship."  HUZZAAHHH!!!!   We weren't even married yet!   

So, Why am I looking? Because I can.  Because I want to know who I look like.  Because what if I have a twin?  Because I don't know my health history and it'd be nice to actually answer the doctors question "Do you know your family health history?" with something other than "I'm adopted."  Because I have this urge inside me that keeps telling me I'm incomplete.  Could it be my own birth mom calling to me?  

That's why.  oh. and. It would be nice to not be the shortest in the family.  ahaha!

Here's to finding my mom.  

Guillermina, I will find you.

Stolen Honey

Ana-Maria (Rocia Carolina)