The Chilean Exchange Student

 Minnehaha Academy 2005.  I began my senior year of Highschool.  We had lots of new students at my school.  One of them was an exchange student from Santiago, Chile.  He was the coolest and funniest guy.  His english was actually pretty good, but he wasn't totally aware of how to properly use any "slang" words or fun phrases.  Like, "Bees knees" and "don't be square."  Which at the time, were super outdated but we did enjoy springing them on him so he would be very, very confused.  He probably learned a lot of other not so useful words but we aren't going to talk about those ones right now. 

When I told him I was adopted from the same town that he was from, he got so excited!  He proceeded to show me pictures and tell me all about all the fun things he did there.  I always thought it was interesting that we had the same skin tone.  The neighbor boy I grew up next to was also adopted from Chile but his skin tone was much darker.  I always wondered why the heck we were so different.  Oliver was my "brother" from Chile my whole life though.  I nicknamed him the Chile bean and I was the Chilipepper. So seeing the exhange student with the same skin tone as me made me feel included.  (Growing up lots of kids didn't believe that I was from South America if I stood next to Oliver.  They always assumed "spanish" people were all dark skinned.) 

This reminds me of a few funny stories where I was stereotyped as something other than who I was.  I remember in College, a coworker once thought I was chinese.  huh?  OR my absolute favorite, I lived in Augusta, GA for a small amount of time in my twenties and my coworkers there asked where I was from and I said MINNESOTA!  They shared looks between themselves and then in a southern accent said, "I don't believe you, you don't have blonde hair or have blue eyes!"  (((This was said by my Assistant manager who was a Jehovah's Witness and a POC))  Yes, I did need to share that information.  That's what makes it so funny.  Don't worry, I had great respect with all my coworkers, still do!  Hi momma EVA!

Pablo, the exchange student was the one who actually made me really want to dig deeper into finding my birth family.  He made life sound so exciting and I just wanted to let my birth family know that all was well.  It wasn't long after that, that I went into my room where my Adopted mom put my baby stuff and I found the album she had put together.  There it was. My birth moms name.  Guillermina.  A long with all the other names that spanish people have.  The name, made her real.  Obviously, she is, but knowing the name made me want to google her on the internet and see if I could find her.  I think at the time Facebook had just been released.  AND facebook was only for college students! So I waited until I graduated highschool to create a profile.  

At that time, my adopted parents were going to gift me a trip to Chile to see where I was from.  But the idea scared me.  I wasn't ready.  I ended up choosing Spain and England instead to study for college.  My passport had stamps for lots of places but not Chile.

Fast forward to 2023.  My passport was lost and definitely expired.  I had already been married once and changed my name.  Our honeymoon at that time was to Hawaii so a passport wasn't needed.  Then divorced and changed my name again.  June 10th, 2023 I finally marry the Man of my dreams.  The real one. The real soulmate.  I go to change my name again.... and.... I am being told I'm not a citizen.

Excuse me?  Not an American Citizen?  I've owned a house, owned a car, been married and divorced.  Even changed my name twice.  Ive had 2 passport cards.  How am I NOT a citizen.  After 4 trips to the Social Security office, I decided it was finally time to find my birth mom. 

On September 26th, 2023 I had a phone call with Connecting Roots.  I provided them with the information that I had from my legal adoption.  She was able to confirm, I was still a confirmed citizen in Chile and I had never left the country.  This was obiously not true.  Thus began my case to one, find my birth mom and two, to figure out how the US failed to acknowledge my legal adoption in the US and have me as a citizen. 

Apparently, this is a common thing for children adopted from ouside of the US.  So all y'all adoptees... check your citizenship. Highlight and copy the below link to get to the article about adoptees and their citizenships.

https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/investigations/2020/12/16/international-adoption-does-not-guarantee-adoptees-us-citizenship/6310358002/

...... 

Friday, September 29th, 2023 shortly after 7pm.  I received news about my case.  THEY FOUND MY BIRTH MOM.  GUILLERMINA EXISTS!  She is alive and well.  She was indeed forced into giving me up.  For money.  I grieve for her pain.  35 years later... She finally heard the words that her baby daughter was looking for her. I was able to give her a great gift. The gift of forgiveness and understanding.  A talent not many have but I was taught by my adopted parents Ron and Joyce.

On top of that, I have 4 siblings.  Two sisters and two brothers.  I am the second oldest. It has been 2 and a half weeks since I received those amazing words.  We are now waiting for the DNA tests to confirm that the Guillermina they found, is indeed my birth mom.  The pictures they gave me were proof enough for me, so the DNA test results will just be icing on the cake.  When it is confirmed, I'll finally get to have a video chat with my birth mom.  

Is there a chance it isn't my birth mom? yes.  Babies could have been switched at birth.  

The next 3 weeks... are gonna be awful.  

Guillermina, I can't wait to talk to you soon.  

Yours Truly,

Ana-Maria (Rocio Carolina) 

The "W"s

One of the first things I really want to discuss with everyone in this entry, are all the "W"s of my search.  Why would you want to find your mom now, after all these years?  Why didn't you do this before?  What do you think your adopted family will think?  Won't they feel like they are being replaced?  Who do you think you are just going and looking for your mom when you have a perfectly good mother here?  What the heck are you thinking???? What if all they want is your money?  WHAT IF YOUR BIRTH MOM DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT YOU?!?!?

First off, that is a whole heck of a lot of negative questions. 

and YES.... I was asked those questions.

Isn't it funny how our brains are wired to think negatively??  Honestly, I feel like each one of us really needs to look deep inside ourselves and ask "why am I not excited or happy for her?"  or "Why can't I just enjoy the process with her?"  or my favorite "Why am I so negative?"

Honestly, I've been there. I've had that negative thought process before.  My goodness.  I used to fill up with jealousy when I saw other happy children with their birth moms.  I used to cry myself to sleep with thoughts of other siblings being so close to each other.  Jeepers.  Life really does suck when you don't know how to manage your inner demons.

If I remember correctly, Adventures in Odyssey does an episode on this topic.  Its a very good episode.  "Episode #169 : Hold up!!"  (https://app.adventuresinodyssey.com/episodes)  It explains the pros and cons of positive thinking and trust.  This episode has always stuck with me and actually helped shape my thought process even now.  Again.... proof that kids will carry what they hear with them their whole life.  So what are you saying around them??  

Lets get down to the nitty gritty..... Why.

I have always wanted to know why she let me go.  I've replaid this conversation in my head several times.  I used to get mad and want to yell angrily at her.  But over the years, I finally figured out exactly what I'm gonna say.  Guess what, it's not negative. HA! I WIN!

I want to tell her how much my adopted parents love me.  How they protected me and kept me safe. How they taught me to love everyone and accept them for who they are and not for what they look like.  They taught me to be patient and kind.  Oh and most importantly.... I can see because they got me glasses and my teeth aren't entirely crooked because they got my braces and I'm not DEAF, because they paid for my ear surgeries.  They have cared for me as if I was their own flesh and blood.  Because of this, I always see the good in others and try to be genuinely happy all the time.  Laughing is my favorite.  They were there for me when I cried at home when I overheard my friends calling me "strange" and "wierd."  They listened when I cried when I saw all the other kids wear name brand clothes but they got me hand me downs because it saved money.  They embraced me with love when I was hurt from my first marriage to an abuser and rejoiced when I recently married the man of my dreams on June 10th.  They taught me how to stand up for what I believe in even if others don't agree and how to be friends properly with someone whose beliefs are completely opposite of my own.  The only thing they didn't successfully instill inside my brain is my ability to clean.... and manage money.  WHOOPS.   Apparently, thats a common thing in people with ADHD.... but I digress.

The point is.  My papasito and my mom (adopted parents) are my parents. They raised me and they will NEVER be replaced.  

Now to the topic of my adopted siblings.  They are pretty cool.  I have 4 adopted siblings.  3 brothers and 1 sister.  We are spread apart in our ages over many years. Some of their birthdays are coming up so here are their ages as I remember right now.  Forgive me siblings if I'm off.  Brother 59, Brother 57, Sister 55, Brother 39 and me 35. I love each one of them.  They have all been good role models for me in various parts of my life.  My greatest compliment actually came from my oldest brother.  He told my husband that we are "very mature within our relationship."  HUZZAAHHH!!!!   We weren't even married yet!   

So, Why am I looking? Because I can.  Because I want to know who I look like.  Because what if I have a twin?  Because I don't know my health history and it'd be nice to actually answer the doctors question "Do you know your family health history?" with something other than "I'm adopted."  Because I have this urge inside me that keeps telling me I'm incomplete.  Could it be my own birth mom calling to me?  

That's why.  oh. and. It would be nice to not be the shortest in the family.  ahaha!

Here's to finding my mom.  

Guillermina, I will find you.

Stolen Honey

Ana-Maria (Rocia Carolina)

I've always known

 I have always known that I was adopted, it was very obvious within my adopted family.  My adopted family, The Halverson's, are descendants from Norway and Sweden.  Meaning, we are very Scandinavian.   Growing up, we celebrated our heritage and celebrated holidays with very scandinavian twists.  I mean, who doesn't celebrate Christmas with some herring and lutefisk.  Well, my adopted father does enjoy a good Lutefisk meal.  As far as I know he still goes to Lutefisk dinners at our church.  

Another highly obvious factor for my adoption was the fact that all my siblings either had blonde or light brown hair.  I have dark brown hair.  It is often confused for black.  But this didn't stop my parents from making sure that I knew I was adopted.  It was never a secret.  They even took videos of their trip to Chile to pick me up.  As a toddler I remember watching those vides on VHS often.  I was so curious to see if I saw my mom.  That was a such a great gift that my adopted parents gave me.  I am forever grateful for that.  That's probably a HUGE reason why I really enjoy filming videos now.  

When it came time for my mom and dad here to enroll me in school, they chose to enroll me at Adam's Spanish Immersion School in St. Paul, MN.  Where I become fluent in my native language.  I was very proud of that, but also highly nervous whenever my adopted family asked me to show off to friends and other native spanish speakers.  I was very shy.  Now that I'm older and in my 30s.... LET ME SPEAK SPANISH.  Isn't that interesting how that works? I'm not as fluent as I used to be but I know enough to understand and hear other spanish speakers.  It's actually entertaining to have people stereotype me as a scandinavian white lady and hear them talk crap about me in spanish.... and yet, I understand everything.   The looks I get when I reply to them is very satisfying.  This is ALSO a great example to stop judging people based off of how a person looks.

I was in highschool when the urge to find my birth parents really began to show.  I was so intrigued by how my nieces and nephews looked so much like my siblings that it cause me to ask "Who do I look most like? my mom? my dad?"  Let's be honest as well, blood does usually cause family members to be closer to each other.  Especially in a healthy non-toxic family.  (That was one amazing gift my adopted parents gave all of their kids, adopted or not) My sister is also adopted but not from Chile, and she blends really well with my siblings.  Very Scandinavian looking as well.  But my sister and I always felt, left out.  It was never the intention by my family but it just happened.  Brothers would show up for each other but I would sit at my orchestra concerts with no siblings to cheer me on.  I remember the one time my older brother Peter showed up to my concert.  I was so happy to see him.  Even if it was just to see him peak in through the doorway and then leave.  I don't remember what else was going on that evening but I do remember wishing they could have just sat down and heard me play.  This is also proof that children pay attention to who shows up and who doesn't.  

It was because of those several times that they failed to show up for me that I asked myself frequently, "would my birth family show up? Would they have supported me?"  It was within these questions where the negative feelings really attacked me.  I was showered with shame and depression in my highschool years.  Why wasn't I loved like my adopted siblings?  Why didn't they care about me?  Depression raged within me.  I just wanted to feel wanted.  

Fast forward to college, I chose to stay near home.  My college was only 8 minutes away from my parents.  I loved it.  I could rush home to my daddy whenever.  I was a daddy's girl growing up and I love him with all my heart.  He is and will always be my First and primary idol.  The first example of what love is.  He loved my mom so much and still loved her after every fight.  He traveled a lot when I was little and when he would leave our neighborhood he would always step on his brake lights twice to show me that he loved me.  It was our thing.  Not to mention we had what I called a "lap" which was me basically kissing him all over his face, like a circle or a race track!!  

This didn't deter my fear of... being abandoned.  Not wanted.  My college roommates were worried for me and I was required to attend school counseling.  I really didn't take it seriously like I should have then.  As a middle aged woman now, I LOVE counseling and think it is the BEST thing for ANYONE to do.  There is no shame in counseling.  It is NO different than having a coach for a sport.  This is just a coach for your life!  

What I'm trying to say is that because of my adoption situation, I developed depression and anxiety.  This constant feeling of, I'm not good enough.  Am I thankful for my life?  HELL YES.  1,0000000000 times thankful.  Adoption is GREAT.  Parents who adopt are Heroes in my eyes, because they chose to raise someone elses child.  They don't have to, but they do.  My parents, did that twice.  My sister, Nancy, and I are forever grateful.  I know I speak for both of us when I say, we love them with every feeling we have.  

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Halverson for raising us.  Thank you for instilling the desire to know the truth and bring honesty to others.  It is through this teaching that I began my search to find my birth mom.  

Fast Forward to 2023.  When I found out that under Pinochet's ruling in Chile, several thousands of babies were taken from their parents either by force or by other means.  These babies were born between the years of 1970 through 1990.  I was born in 1988.  

Was I stolen? Was my birth mother forced?  Does she know I still exist?

Those three questions are what drove me like a wildfire and brought me to this week.  Tuesday.  Where I heard words over the phone, "According to this, you have never left Chile. "  

*gasp* oh. mah. gosh.

What happened?!?  Why?

-Stolen Honey

Ana-Maria (Rocio Carolina)