When will it be my turn?

 Hello Friends.

It's been many moons since I last wrote.  I write with good news and bad news.

Where do I start?

July 26th 1988

I was born to a young lady by the name of Guillermina.  Shortly after I was adopted by a sweet scandinavian couple from Minnesota.  Ron and Joyce.  They already had 4 children but decided that they wanted to add another one to the mix.  A jalapeno to the lutefisk meal.  Or as I liked to call myself, the Chilepepper.  I'm sure they weren't quite ready to admit that they needed some color to add to their blonde hair and blue eyed family, but they got it!  

I remember growing up and constantly being called dramatic, drama queen, wierd, strange, and one of the ones I hated... clingy.  Well.. being adopted and feeling like your own birth mom rejected you, I'm sure you guys can all imagine why that word filled me with sadness and anger.  I remember sitting in the driveway at a very young age wondering... when will anyone be thankful for me?  WHEN WILL I GET MY TURN to feel accepted and completely loved?

These feelings have already been talked about in my previous posts so if you missed it... let me sum it up.

I hated myself growing up.  I was different. I didn't belong in my scandinavian family.  Thus I developed depression and often thought how peaceful death would be.  THANKFULLY I never gave in to those feelings.  My adopted parents were amazing and made sure I was taken care of physically and ensured I was educated and real durn smart.  I got myself an edumication!  (spelling mistake was on purpose ahaha!)  

I did get through those feelings and I'm so much happier now. YYAYAYAYYA!  

but... the thought still comes across my mind a lot.  WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?   This time the question is about being able to meet my birth mom in person and hug her. 

Here comes the good news.  February 2025 I have the opportunity to go meet her.  I GET TO MEET MY MOM.  Connecting Roots is coordinating a trip with a few adoptees and family members to fly to Chile to meet our parents.  However... the bad news.  It will cost us a lot of money to make the trip.  Connecting Roots is a Nonprofit and only operates because of people like you who enjoy bringing/gifting happiness to others.  

Several other adoptees have been able to raise all the funds they needed for their trips to Chile and now its my turn..... but, do I deserve to go?  

I hate asking for money. I feel so quilty.  There are so many other deserving people in the world who need money and maybe they need it more than me. Maybe they deserve my own money, more than me.  I mean.. I was used to money in the first place... so why is it ok for me to ask for money for me?  I was sold... when do I get my money back??  

WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

1988... i was sold as part of a giant child trafficking ring in Chile.  I want to meet my mom. I want to be able to see her.  IS IT MY TURN?  

I hope so.  Please donate do Connecting Roots in my name and because I think Santa says its ok to ask for it to be my turn.  I hope to raise at least $10,000 for our trip to Chile.  Please help me get my wish.  The only wish I have ever wanted in my entire life.  To meet my mom.

Here is the link - I will be starting a GoFundMe page so that hopefully... I can finally say... It's my turn.  Thank you in advance for sharing my story and I promise... you wont regret it.

https://www.connecting-roots.com/donation/

Mother's Day

There were about 4.5 million adopted children in the United States, in 2010.  This amount includes children that are adopted by step parents and relatives. In 2022, there were only 1,517 children adopted from other countries.  From the years of 2004 to 2022, International adoptions DROPPED 93%. * Why? Why the drop?

As someone who was adopted from an international country I would love to know that answer.  Could it be recent events that prevented that? Covid? International wars?  Are there americans in the country that because of certain political events no longer want to adopt internationally for fear of possible racism? possible judgement?  Who knows.

In all honesty, it shouldn't matter the reason, but you really can't help but wonder. 

Lets go back to that giant number of 4.5 million.  (I'm sure that number has changed since 2010)  That's 4.5 million mothers who gave up their children. Whatever their reasons were... there comes a day during the year that can either bring happiness or pain to them.  There are plenty of facebook groups for adoptees and parents to find comfort when that day rolls around.  

That day is MOTHER'S DAY.  

Wikipedia says "Mother's Day is a celebration honoring the mother of the family or individual, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on different days in many parts of the world, most commonly in March or May."

Growing up, our church celebrated Mother's as well as all women.  I always admired that.  I also wondered why they had all the women even us kiddos stand up.  I think it was because at some point we would all raise children, whether they were ours or not. Our church did the same for Fathers.  But I digress.

I had no idea... that Mother's day could in fact be a day of sadness for the children that were adopted.  It just never seemed to come into my brain that I was without my birth mom.  My adopted mother, Joyce, has and always will be a significant person in my life.  Whether we got along or not.  She was and is my mother.  She was the one who changed my diaper, she was the one that spanked me when I was naughty, she was the one who MADE me practice the piano when I didn't want to and she was the one who, helped mold me into the women who I am today.  (yes My daddy, Ronald, did as well but the topic is Mother's... he gets his time later)  I NEVER once thought, "I am missing my birth mom and therefore I am sad."  It never clicked that Joyce was NOT my birth mom.  Yes, I knew she wasn't my birth mom, but it didn't FEEL like she was NOT my birth mom.  So to see facebook groups for adoptees to talk and share feelings about being abandoned on Mother's day... was almost shocking to me.  

That means in 2010, 4.5 million kids... a majority of them did NOT have a good Mother's day. 4.5 million mothers... did NOT have a good Mother's day. I like to think that there was a portion of that number of kids and Mother's experienced life like I did.  Where we felt loved and taken care of.  That we felt included and we felt that our adoptive mothers were ours. My neighbor Oliver was also adopted the same year I was and is also from Santiago, Chile.  I always felt so lucky that he grew up down the street.  My Chilean brother.  I wonder, if he felt as I did.  I will have to ask him the next time I see him.  

Did that thought ever come to your mind? Could Mother's day actually be a day of sadness to Adoptees and Mothers?  

The thought that DID cross my mind as I was growing up was, I hope my birth mom is ok.  In my 20s she became a more prominent figure in my thoughts. What was she doing?  Was she ok? Did She have more kids? Was Mother's day good for her?  Did she miss me?  I've touched this subject before in my previous blogs... why? Why did she do it?

Well.... 2024 Mother's day hit differently for me.  I got to celebrate BOTH my birth mom and my mom.  Guillermina and Joyce.  I no longer think of it as... I am without my mom but I am blessed to have TWO moms.  God thought to himself... This kid.. Ana-Maria is going to be crazy and is going to need 2 moms.  ahahaha!!  That's unfortunately... a very likely thought.  I am wacko. I blame ADHD.   Which I found out... runs in the family.  My older brother Miguel and my little brother Luis also have it.  I would not be surprised if Victoria and Catalina had it as well.  (((but they know how to manage it so much better than i do ahaha!)))

This Mother's day, I got to see pictures of my Chilean family and be with my Scadinavian family.  I get to see "Who" I look like and "Who" I act like. Blessed.  Two mommies.  I am sooooo lucky.  I am so thankful that I have come to this point in my mental journey to FEEL this thankful.  I hope that all those adopted children get to this point.  I hope your heart, feels blessed.  I hope your heart feels forgiveness AND thankfulness.  Cause this feeling, is sooooo worth it. This feeling called, Joy.  

JOY means being happy when the good things happen and hope when the bad things happen.  Is it a coincidence that my mom's name is JOYce, which means JOYOUS?  Is it a coincidence that my birth mom's name is Guillermina and means SENSITIVE and charming?  All components that are found in Joy?  WhAt A cOiNkIdInK!!!

As I celebrate my first Mother's day to my stepdaughter... my wish is... that all adopted children and their mother's find peace and joy.  We are lucky, because if you think about it... we were all given second chances to live and GET to celebrate two mom's. I hope they find JOY.

Till next time,

BYE!

Ana-Maria - Rocio Carolina

p.s.  I have 2 more siblings and a birth father to find.  My sister... is somewhere in the US.  Where could she be?

Please don't forget to donate to Connecting Roots, so that we can continue the search for our other siblings and so that other Chilean Adoptees can find their families.  Another trip is planned to Chile this coming year to connect chilean adoptees with their families.  They hope to cover the whole trip for the chilean adoptees.  However they cannot do it without your generous donations.

*https://www.connecting-roots.com/donation/*

sources.

*https://adoptionnetwork.com/adoption-myths-facts/domestic-us-statistics/#:~:text=There%20are%20about%204.5%20million,by%20relatives%20or%20a%20stepparent.

*https://usafacts.org/articles/where-do-international-adoptees-come-from/

*https://www.thebump.com/b/joyce-baby-name

*https://mylofamily.com/parenting/babynames/meaning-of-guillermina-33015