Mark

 This is going to be one of those posts that may need a WARNING LABEL.

From what I've seen on Facebook, many people are starting to put "Trigger warning" above posts just in case someone gets triggered.  For those of you who don't know what that may mean, it basically means.... Prepare yourselves!  or as they say in Pirates of Caribbean "Batten down the hatches!"

I do need to preface this with.... Adoptions are wonderful.  It offers children a chance at a  new life with parents that can provide for them.   I am forever grateful to my Minnesota parents for raising me as their own and teaching me good principles.

However, many people forget that.... there is a cost to this.  An unspoken topic.  Even now, I'm having a hard time typing the words I mean to say.  

There is a bond between mother and child that becomes broken with adoptions.  That broken bond can be best summed up as "abandonment."  How do adoptees deal with this feeling??? Most are brought up in familes that are able to help heal that broken bond but there are others that aren't helped.  The word I'm trying to say is Suicide.

It's a dark word.  The planned intent to end ones life.  Did you know that Adoptee's deal with this all the time???  The thoughts are there.  Why did my parents abondon me?  Why doesn't my new family love me like their other children? Many would say to them.... "but they do love you, they chose to raise you as their own!" As one who has been adopted.... you can tell us that until you are blue in your face.... but that sense of abandonment never actually goes away. 

So to help the world realize that.... this is a real thing.... October 30th is Adoptee Remembrance day.  This national holiday actually raises public awareness of crimes against adoptees by adoptive parents AND it allows us to honor our loved ones who could not battle the evil that invades their minds.

This really needs to be spoken about.  

So in honor of not only my adoption but also in honor of our close friend Mark Hoffman.... I present to you ADOPTEE REMEMBRANCE DAY.

https://adopteeremembranceday.com/what-is-adoptee-remembrance-day-october-30th/#:~:text=Adoptee%20Remembrance%20Day%20%E2%80%93%20October%2030th,current%20media%20does%20not%20recognize.

Please copy this link into your web browser and read about this day.  It is important.  It exists for a reason.  

Mark was a great friend to all.  We first met him in the car world.  His smile was infectious and his superior happiness radiated from him all the time.  His hugs were so welcoming and safe that I always looked forward to his hugs.  This man, was one of the greatest men that I ever met.  He was adopted.  I believe his brother was as well.  We had no idea that he was hurting.  I knew him for maybe..... 5 years before his passing.  He worked hard and worked harder helping others smile.  His picture now sits proudly in our dining room area so that we can remember him.  Gone too soon.  According to his girlfriend at the time, he never felt good enough or that anyone actually wanted him.  An all too familiar feeling.......

Adoptee Remembrance day opens up the conversation of families that lost children to adoption.  For example.... my situation.  My mom was forced to give me up and suddenly, I was gone, never to be seen again.  35 years later I search for her in hopes of providing her closure.  To let her know that... It was worth it.  Mi Papa y Mi Moma aqui en Minnesota... son perfecto! (My parents in Minnesota are perfect!)

So how can you help bring awareness to this topic???  

1. Wear Yellow - the color chosen to symbolize the adoptees we lost

2. Use hashtags - #adopteesconnect #adopteeremembranceday and #adopteesweremember

3. Read adoptee books

4. A moment of Silence - Adoptess are 4x more likely to attempt suicide than non-adopted inviduals.

5. Keep Memories Alive

6. Wear a Yellow Flower

7. Share a Tribute

8. Have a Ceremonial Bonfire

9. Events

10.  copy that link I provided and read the article.... There are tons of other ideas that you can do to honor Adoptee Remembrance Day.

11.  You can also donate to Connecting Roots so that they can help lots of other adoptees reconnect with their families.

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This was a hard post for me to write.  I have been putting it off for weeks.  October 30th has passed this year, but please remember it next year.  If you know someone who is adopted... please, in honor of Mark, ask if you can give them a hug and tell them that they matter.   If any of them are struggling with the idea of reaching out to parents that have given them up.... hold them tighter.  It hurts.  I know. I've battled that demon already.  It doesn't mean I don't still feel abandoned, I'm sure I will have to deal with that my whole life.... but finding my mom will help.  I know it.

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Never fear though... I have good news.  My DNA test is complete.  

MyHeritage has confirmed that my sister Victoria.... is officially.... MY BIOLOGICAL SISTER.  I have a sister... who looks a little like me. Finally. 

I'm that much closer to confirming that.... Guillermina is my mom.

Hola Momma, Te amo mucho.  

Adios

Ana-Maria - Rocio Carolina

The Chilean Exchange Student

 Minnehaha Academy 2005.  I began my senior year of Highschool.  We had lots of new students at my school.  One of them was an exchange student from Santiago, Chile.  He was the coolest and funniest guy.  His english was actually pretty good, but he wasn't totally aware of how to properly use any "slang" words or fun phrases.  Like, "Bees knees" and "don't be square."  Which at the time, were super outdated but we did enjoy springing them on him so he would be very, very confused.  He probably learned a lot of other not so useful words but we aren't going to talk about those ones right now. 

When I told him I was adopted from the same town that he was from, he got so excited!  He proceeded to show me pictures and tell me all about all the fun things he did there.  I always thought it was interesting that we had the same skin tone.  The neighbor boy I grew up next to was also adopted from Chile but his skin tone was much darker.  I always wondered why the heck we were so different.  Oliver was my "brother" from Chile my whole life though.  I nicknamed him the Chile bean and I was the Chilipepper. So seeing the exhange student with the same skin tone as me made me feel included.  (Growing up lots of kids didn't believe that I was from South America if I stood next to Oliver.  They always assumed "spanish" people were all dark skinned.) 

This reminds me of a few funny stories where I was stereotyped as something other than who I was.  I remember in College, a coworker once thought I was chinese.  huh?  OR my absolute favorite, I lived in Augusta, GA for a small amount of time in my twenties and my coworkers there asked where I was from and I said MINNESOTA!  They shared looks between themselves and then in a southern accent said, "I don't believe you, you don't have blonde hair or have blue eyes!"  (((This was said by my Assistant manager who was a Jehovah's Witness and a POC))  Yes, I did need to share that information.  That's what makes it so funny.  Don't worry, I had great respect with all my coworkers, still do!  Hi momma EVA!

Pablo, the exchange student was the one who actually made me really want to dig deeper into finding my birth family.  He made life sound so exciting and I just wanted to let my birth family know that all was well.  It wasn't long after that, that I went into my room where my Adopted mom put my baby stuff and I found the album she had put together.  There it was. My birth moms name.  Guillermina.  A long with all the other names that spanish people have.  The name, made her real.  Obviously, she is, but knowing the name made me want to google her on the internet and see if I could find her.  I think at the time Facebook had just been released.  AND facebook was only for college students! So I waited until I graduated highschool to create a profile.  

At that time, my adopted parents were going to gift me a trip to Chile to see where I was from.  But the idea scared me.  I wasn't ready.  I ended up choosing Spain and England instead to study for college.  My passport had stamps for lots of places but not Chile.

Fast forward to 2023.  My passport was lost and definitely expired.  I had already been married once and changed my name.  Our honeymoon at that time was to Hawaii so a passport wasn't needed.  Then divorced and changed my name again.  June 10th, 2023 I finally marry the Man of my dreams.  The real one. The real soulmate.  I go to change my name again.... and.... I am being told I'm not a citizen.

Excuse me?  Not an American Citizen?  I've owned a house, owned a car, been married and divorced.  Even changed my name twice.  Ive had 2 passport cards.  How am I NOT a citizen.  After 4 trips to the Social Security office, I decided it was finally time to find my birth mom. 

On September 26th, 2023 I had a phone call with Connecting Roots.  I provided them with the information that I had from my legal adoption.  She was able to confirm, I was still a confirmed citizen in Chile and I had never left the country.  This was obiously not true.  Thus began my case to one, find my birth mom and two, to figure out how the US failed to acknowledge my legal adoption in the US and have me as a citizen. 

Apparently, this is a common thing for children adopted from ouside of the US.  So all y'all adoptees... check your citizenship. Highlight and copy the below link to get to the article about adoptees and their citizenships.

https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/investigations/2020/12/16/international-adoption-does-not-guarantee-adoptees-us-citizenship/6310358002/

...... 

Friday, September 29th, 2023 shortly after 7pm.  I received news about my case.  THEY FOUND MY BIRTH MOM.  GUILLERMINA EXISTS!  She is alive and well.  She was indeed forced into giving me up.  For money.  I grieve for her pain.  35 years later... She finally heard the words that her baby daughter was looking for her. I was able to give her a great gift. The gift of forgiveness and understanding.  A talent not many have but I was taught by my adopted parents Ron and Joyce.

On top of that, I have 4 siblings.  Two sisters and two brothers.  I am the second oldest. It has been 2 and a half weeks since I received those amazing words.  We are now waiting for the DNA tests to confirm that the Guillermina they found, is indeed my birth mom.  The pictures they gave me were proof enough for me, so the DNA test results will just be icing on the cake.  When it is confirmed, I'll finally get to have a video chat with my birth mom.  

Is there a chance it isn't my birth mom? yes.  Babies could have been switched at birth.  

The next 3 weeks... are gonna be awful.  

Guillermina, I can't wait to talk to you soon.  

Yours Truly,

Ana-Maria (Rocio Carolina)