This is going to be one of those posts that may need a WARNING LABEL.
From what I've seen on Facebook, many people are starting to put "Trigger warning" above posts just in case someone gets triggered. For those of you who don't know what that may mean, it basically means.... Prepare yourselves! or as they say in Pirates of Caribbean "Batten down the hatches!"
I do need to preface this with.... Adoptions are wonderful. It offers children a chance at a new life with parents that can provide for them. I am forever grateful to my Minnesota parents for raising me as their own and teaching me good principles.
However, many people forget that.... there is a cost to this. An unspoken topic. Even now, I'm having a hard time typing the words I mean to say.
There is a bond between mother and child that becomes broken with adoptions. That broken bond can be best summed up as "abandonment." How do adoptees deal with this feeling??? Most are brought up in familes that are able to help heal that broken bond but there are others that aren't helped. The word I'm trying to say is Suicide.
It's a dark word. The planned intent to end ones life. Did you know that Adoptee's deal with this all the time??? The thoughts are there. Why did my parents abondon me? Why doesn't my new family love me like their other children? Many would say to them.... "but they do love you, they chose to raise you as their own!" As one who has been adopted.... you can tell us that until you are blue in your face.... but that sense of abandonment never actually goes away.
So to help the world realize that.... this is a real thing.... October 30th is Adoptee Remembrance day. This national holiday actually raises public awareness of crimes against adoptees by adoptive parents AND it allows us to honor our loved ones who could not battle the evil that invades their minds.
This really needs to be spoken about.
So in honor of not only my adoption but also in honor of our close friend Mark Hoffman.... I present to you ADOPTEE REMEMBRANCE DAY.
https://adopteeremembranceday.com/what-is-adoptee-remembrance-day-october-30th/#:~:text=Adoptee%20Remembrance%20Day%20%E2%80%93%20October%2030th,current%20media%20does%20not%20recognize.
Please copy this link into your web browser and read about this day. It is important. It exists for a reason.
Mark was a great friend to all. We first met him in the car world. His smile was infectious and his superior happiness radiated from him all the time. His hugs were so welcoming and safe that I always looked forward to his hugs. This man, was one of the greatest men that I ever met. He was adopted. I believe his brother was as well. We had no idea that he was hurting. I knew him for maybe..... 5 years before his passing. He worked hard and worked harder helping others smile. His picture now sits proudly in our dining room area so that we can remember him. Gone too soon. According to his girlfriend at the time, he never felt good enough or that anyone actually wanted him. An all too familiar feeling.......
Adoptee Remembrance day opens up the conversation of families that lost children to adoption. For example.... my situation. My mom was forced to give me up and suddenly, I was gone, never to be seen again. 35 years later I search for her in hopes of providing her closure. To let her know that... It was worth it. Mi Papa y Mi Moma aqui en Minnesota... son perfecto! (My parents in Minnesota are perfect!)
So how can you help bring awareness to this topic???
1. Wear Yellow - the color chosen to symbolize the adoptees we lost
2. Use hashtags - #adopteesconnect #adopteeremembranceday and #adopteesweremember
3. Read adoptee books
4. A moment of Silence - Adoptess are 4x more likely to attempt suicide than non-adopted inviduals.
5. Keep Memories Alive
6. Wear a Yellow Flower
7. Share a Tribute
8. Have a Ceremonial Bonfire
9. Events
10. copy that link I provided and read the article.... There are tons of other ideas that you can do to honor Adoptee Remembrance Day.
11. You can also donate to Connecting Roots so that they can help lots of other adoptees reconnect with their families.
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This was a hard post for me to write. I have been putting it off for weeks. October 30th has passed this year, but please remember it next year. If you know someone who is adopted... please, in honor of Mark, ask if you can give them a hug and tell them that they matter. If any of them are struggling with the idea of reaching out to parents that have given them up.... hold them tighter. It hurts. I know. I've battled that demon already. It doesn't mean I don't still feel abandoned, I'm sure I will have to deal with that my whole life.... but finding my mom will help. I know it.
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Never fear though... I have good news. My DNA test is complete.
MyHeritage has confirmed that my sister Victoria.... is officially.... MY BIOLOGICAL SISTER. I have a sister... who looks a little like me. Finally.
I'm that much closer to confirming that.... Guillermina is my mom.
Hola Momma, Te amo mucho.
Adios
Ana-Maria - Rocio Carolina